Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Ruined My Life
This afternoon before her nap, she wanted to play a game. I told her, "Not right now, but maybe when you get up from your nap." She yells/growls, "Ooohhh...[stamps her foot] You ruined my entire life!!!" As I was trying not to laugh, I was thinking about how yes, in the eyes of a two-year-old, it would seem that her life is ruined by being denied playing a game...or at least told to wait until later. (Then I had terrorizing thoughts of those words possibly coming back to haunt me when she's (or any of my three daughters is) a teenager!)
Friends, have we said those words to our Father up above? When things don't go our way, or if He tells us to wait, or if He straight up says "No", do we yell, growl, stomp our feet and accuse Him of ruining our entire lives?
Sometimes the things might be relatively insignificant. Other times, it might be something huge that really does feel like our lives are ruined. When I was going through the pregnancy losses - three in one year - it was very easy to slip into that dark place where I thought (or at least was wondering) if my life was ruined. The picture I had for my life in my mind's eye was to be a mom - it included having kids. Was I letting the desire to have kids define my life? At the time, yes, I was. Ultimately, I wasn't denied the ability to have biological children, but I sometimes wonder if I would have ever been able to accept it and be at peace if I was still fighting that battle, or if the story had a different ending.
One thing I learned is that each person is in control of their own emotions, despite how easy it is for them to fly off the cuff and run amok. We can get so obsessed with something or attached to something that it can literally define our lives and basically control our lives/emotions. So when that something doesn't go right (or like we planned, or what we perceive as right), we feel like our lives are ruined.
Proverbs 16:9 says, "In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."
I love this quote I read in the book, Love at Last Sight by Kerry & Chris Shook, "Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward." (Anonymous) We need to choose to let God be God in our lives and trust that He's doing what's best for us and relinquish our perceptions of our lives being ruined, for that's all that they are is perceptions. Psalm 112:7 says, "They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them."
Love at Last Sight has another quote from Steve Saint, "When God writes our story, He doesn't promise us that all the chapters will be easy. The good news is that if we let God write our story, when those bad chapters come, the hope we have is that in the last chapter, He promises us that He will make sense of all those other chapters."
Just as I am my daughter's mom, (loving her) and want to do the best thing for her, (nap time), even if it isn't perceived that way to her, she can't yet understand my reasons. So is it that way with us and God. He's our Father, (loves us big time), and may let some things happen in our lives that aren't perceived by us as good or loving, and we can't yet understand His reasons. We need to try with all of our might to not let ourselves be caught thinking our lives are ruined. Turn instead into His arms of Hope & Love.